Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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