Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Randomize
