I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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