Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
