i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
