soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
