The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
