there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dicks are not precious.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
