Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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