She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
