After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
