it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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