I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
