She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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