I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
