Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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