There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
