You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
