he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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