I want to stick my p in your. b.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
