nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
