Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
