i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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