Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
