Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
