So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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