Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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