I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
