that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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