I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
