I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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