he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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