I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
