he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Farmville is her only friend.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
