At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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