I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
