i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
