I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
