did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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