upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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