you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
