pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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