ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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