If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
