And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
