new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
