meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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