You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
