I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
