Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
