i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
