watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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