its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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